Monday, September 28, 2015

where is my mind?

This weekend, I found myself in an annoying life-induced, can't-snap-outta-it funk. Ya know, those days where you hate everyone, nothing makes you happy and a one-way ticket to the other side of the world is more tempting than a pint of Ben & Jerry's after a long night of binge drinking. Although rare, they do happen despite my best efforts in masking my mind from these kidless, child-wearing free delusions.

As much as I would like to blame our coughing, snot-infested, sleep-deprived trio for my latest Debbie Downer doldrums, their temporary ails are just the icing on the cake. Truth be told, I'm envious of the pick-up-and-go mentality that once ruled our roost.

While I strive for normalcy in my everyday life, I've come to realize my day-to-day living is anything but. The fact is, three infants and a toddler  singles me out from the everyday normalities that most stay-at-home moms encounter. Lunch outings, play dates and trips to the grocery store with everyone requires far more time and energy than is even worth completing such seemingly easy tasks. While I am more than capable of dragging Jake and the litter out with me, I'd likely end up at the bar before reaching any said destinations.

On the majority of my days, my normal is not leaving the house for several days at a time. My normal is event-free weekends. My normal is having zero time to spend with my husband because we are forced to put the needs of our four children before our own. My normal is scarfing down a makeshift dinner before the babies' final feeding of the day. My normal is me hoping and praying for a communal nap that allows me enough time to to drink my coffee before it turns cold. In addition, my normal reveals a home-bound life that requires me to make arrangements for my kids for every waking moment that is spent away from my house. 

As the babies approach their sixth month of life, old challenges have been replaced with new ones and the everyday minutiae that consumes my days are starting to become more and more blurred. Even though my days and weeks pass by in warp-speed, it feels like an eternity before I will ever be able rejoin standard society again. There are times I crave my former spontaneity so fiercely, I can't help but lose sight of the fact that I'm distracted by a world of realities that no longer exist.

Throughout my triplet fiasco, I've learned that some of my biggest sanity-saving graces are those that launch me into my future with the eye-opening realization of the inability to turn back time. I am reminded that time is our biggest enemy and that the present is our strongest ally. Sometimes in life, we need a good funk to find ourselves in the chaos.

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